You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
