I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
