toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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