My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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