yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
