Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
