dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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