Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Less talking, more tequila
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Did you pee in the oven last night??
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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