So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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