you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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