Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
