I met the friendliest cop last night
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize