You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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