I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize