Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
