Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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