I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
