can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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