Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
