why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
