I just saw a hot homeless man
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
