can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize