If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
