the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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