.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
