areolas are like halos for boobs.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
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