I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
