I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
