Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
