The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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