the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
