I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I think people are normalizing furries
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
