apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
We smell like vodka and hangover
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