I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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