That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
