The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
