I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
