Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
