i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You are a genius and a whore.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
