once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
