If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
