I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
