I could make wine with my vomit
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
