Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
