all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
It's blow job season.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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