Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Randomize
