My brain says no but my pants say off.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
