we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
