My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
being pregnant is like rehab
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He did a backflip because drugs
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
