I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
