Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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