woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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