Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
