worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
