Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
