Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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