i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
