I am full of burrito and curiosity
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
