i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
