Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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