The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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