I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
