Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
