Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
