saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
