Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
