I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
