So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
