everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
