chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
