i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
