Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize