i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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