When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
