yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
