Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
