in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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