he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I just had sex on a roof
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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