your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
