So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
